I’ve decided to stop worrying so much about whether I’ve forgotten some important piece of information that would help me at the time I remember it, if I remember it. I now realize that to truly live in the moment, one has to forget about the past and never mind the future. And it may be that what I say I realized just isn’t so but I’m not going to be concerned with that, either. And it’s okay if I still go on feeling pangs of regret over one thing or another from time to time, or I fret that I might end up doing the wrong thing or forgetting something important some time in the future. It’s okay because I trust that I’ll catch myself doing so sooner or later and I will just stop myself from induldging these unpleasant states of mind, and accept the past as unchangeable and the future as an eventual unchageble past as well.

The feeling that we could have done something in the past, or that we have any control over ourselves and the things around us is a curse of sorts. I understand that lots of people are more uncomfortable with the idea that they don’t have control or that others may be shirking responsibilility if they felt that they didn’t have control. But I think it’s possible to accept that we’re driven by complex physical interactions, that we’re self-perceiving illusions, and that we’ll never shake off that illusion, and that we will go on assuming it whether we like it or not. To be conscious of our existence doesn’t change that we’re being washed away by the tides of space and time like every other collection of matter. Our will is free to tell the universe what we would like to do with ourselves, but the universe is not free to listen to us.

All I’m saying is that from now on, I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. Any appearance of me getting up to do something is all part of the ride. It doesn’t change that things will still suck anyway from time to time but that’s not for me to worry. That’s for a version of me in another point in time. I just need to be concerned with this point.