Fooled - 2007-06-06
I have been fooled again. And I suppose that I’ll forever be fooled, one way or another. Hopefully, never the same way twice. But foolishness is essentially the same, no matter what form it takes. I can say that I’ve only been fooled by others but it would make more sense to say that I, myself, am the only one who has ever fooled me. If I ever fell for what others tried to convince me of, I only have myself to blame for allowing myself to fall for it. I’d like to think that one day I’ll stop doing that but that in itself seems to be the most foolish thought.
Of course, I would like to stop fooling myself and I’ve gone to great lengths to prevent it from happening more often than it does. But it’s probably impossible to go through life without error. Even without faith and beliefs, I have to accept various illusions that I can’t help but perceive. Like, how solid objects seem to have a continuous surface when in fact they are made of spaced out bits of matter. Or how it seems that things move in space and time when it may be the case that nothing really moved, and that my memory of the past is a static image of what may or may not have ever been. Or how I seem to be more than just a colony of integrated cells and loose bacteria.
Those illusions may very well never be harmful to accept, but I can imagine scenarios where they could be. But there isn’t much I can do about it. If I can accept the idea of a past as well as the possibility that what I remember as the past never really happened, then I should be able to accept anything I think actually happened in my life from birth till now. And that I should accept that whatever the future may hold, if it holds anything at all, may or not be under my control. And that any perceived control may in itself be an illusion.
I may also have to accept that I will always want to escape even though there is no way out. There is just no way. That’s what it seems like. For now, at least. Till I realize that I’ve been fooled again, I guess.