Insomnia From Thinking Of Insomnia
I can’t sleep. Too much thinking. Thinking about my own thoughts. Thoughts of me thinking. Seriously. I’ve even thought of writing about me writing this before writing it. I’m thinking of thinking of what to write right now. This may not make sense anymore. It’s a spiral kind of thing. You know, ad infinitum, ad absurdum or whatever. At any rate, it is an infinite absurdity. And that’s all I seem to be writing about at the moment. I’m sure it gets tiring after the novelty wears off. But I can’t just ignore it. It’s constantly eating at me. Welcome to my nightmare.
Okay, change of subject. The air conditioner is on. I am naked. I’m listening to Leonard Cohen’s I’m Your Man. It is dark. The only lights are coming from my monitor and various LEDs from the computer stuff. I’m looking at a pencil. It seems well-sharpened from here. What will be the fate of that pencil, I wonder. Actually, I don’t wonder about that. I actually wonder about me wonderingack!
I’ve been sleepy all day but when I finally went to bed I became excited about falling asleep. There’s nothing left for me to do other than wait for sleep, so I became anxious. I just wanted to wake up the next day. Now it’s as if the next day will never come. Maybe this will be one of those fun sleep deprivation days where I act all goofy and stuff. Scientologists beware!
I had Macaroni and Cheese tonight. I hardly ever have that anymore. I hardly have anything anymore. What happened? It all changed at some point. I don’t know what I was doing at the moment. Probably trying to fall asleep. I was too busy thinking about how I was too busy to notice things changing.
Change??? hell, I can go on forever about that. I should probably restrain myself. There are other places you can go to read about it. It’s interesting stuff. Well, I think so. Or should I say, I think of myself thinking so.
I think. Therefore. I’m mad.