Hello. Welcome to my home page. If you’ve been here before, I’m glad that you’re back. This isn’t the introductory blurb to this site, by the way. This is just another entry that is first displayed at the top of the front page and after a while, scrolls down as new entries are added until it’s pushed off and only to be found again in the archives. You can find other such entries by using the calendar at the top corner or by going straight to an entry its permament URL, which is based on its date. This one will always be at http://www.marxidad.com/2001/07/09. It may not always be there, but I’m going try to keep it there. URLs should never change, you know.

Chances are that you’ve stumbled upon these words by searching for information on masturbation and finding something in the Masturbation section of this site. The Masturbation page, believe it or not, is the most popular page on this site. A lot of other people find this site by searching for other things, too, like song titles or people’s names. Or whatever.

What I’m trying to point out is that most of the people who read this are people interested in masturbation. I’m not saying that that is a bad thing, nor is it necessarly special otherwise. I’m saying that my site would not get as much exposure if not for them. I don’t write specifically for them, or anyone in particular. Except, maybe, for myself. I write as if I’m addressing the world, though, but these words probably get read by me more than anyone else. I read them as I type it out, as I’m proof-reading it, the day after I write it because I like to do that with my work, and I’ll read them every now and again when I’m checking out the archives. And with this entry in particular, I’ll be reading about myself reading this, which is about me reading this, and so on.

I’m sort of doing it to piss myself off. I don’t think it’ll matter to me that much since I do this with myself almost all the time. Instead of saying something, I’ll just think of saying it. Now is one of those infrequent moments when I’m actually writing what I’ve thought of saying. I usually don’t have that much to say here. I have a lot to say to other people in person, though. But there usually is no one around. So I say it to myself, in my head. But I don’t think in the first or third person. I think in the second person. Almost always. My thoughts are in the form of saying something to someone else. Maybe other people think to themselves that way, too, but I don’t know of anyone like that.

Anyway, that’s enough of me rambling about rambling (metarambling?). I’ve had my fill. I’m sure others would find this amusing, too. Maybe some sick fuck jerks off to prose, Idunno. If that happens to be you, I’m sorry for calling you that. No, it’s not me. I was directing that to a hypothetical reader this time. Honestly!

I can’t sleep. Too much thinking. Thinking about my own thoughts. Thoughts of me thinking. Seriously. I’ve even thought of writing about me writing this before writing it. I’m thinking of thinking of what to write right now. This may not make sense anymore. It’s a spiral kind of thing. You know, ad infinitum, ad absurdum or whatever. At any rate, it is an infinite absurdity. And that’s all I seem to be writing about at the moment. I’m sure it gets tiring after the novelty wears off. But I can’t just ignore it. It’s constantly eating at me. Welcome to my nightmare.

Okay, change of subject. The air conditioner is on. I am naked. I’m listening to Leonard Cohen’s I’m Your Man. It is dark. The only lights are coming from my monitor and various LEDs from the computer stuff. I’m looking at a pencil. It seems well-sharpened from here. What will be the fate of that pencil, I wonder. Actually, I don’t wonder about that. I actually wonder about me wonderingack!

I’ve been sleepy all day but when I finally went to bed I became excited about falling asleep. There’s nothing left for me to do other than wait for sleep, so I became anxious. I just wanted to wake up the next day. Now it’s as if the next day will never come. Maybe this will be one of those fun sleep deprivation days where I act all goofy and stuff. Scientologists beware!

I had Macaroni and Cheese tonight. I hardly ever have that anymore. I hardly have anything anymore. What happened? It all changed at some point. I don’t know what I was doing at the moment. Probably trying to fall asleep. I was too busy thinking about how I was too busy to notice things changing.

Change??? hell, I can go on forever about that. I should probably restrain myself. There are other places you can go to read about it. It’s interesting stuff. Well, I think so. Or should I say, I think of myself thinking so.

I think. Therefore. I’m mad.