I had a dream this morning of an alternative ending to The Wizard Of Oz. It started off where Toto jumps out of Dorothy’s arms and runs away. In my dream, he ran towards a bunch of hicks. One of them, who seemed to be played by Ashton Kutcher of That 70’s Show, said, “Hey, look it’s a dawg. Let’s eat it!”

Then another one said, “No way, they might need it fer food!”

A third said, “Yeah, or gas??? or gas money!”

Then Dorothy came to pick up Toto. She was wearing nothing but thigh-high stockings and a feather boa. She also looked more like Shirley Temple than Judy Garland. The hicks were bad-mouthing her, calling her a whore and whatnot. Dorothy didn’t care and just went back to the balloon snobbishly.

And that was the dream, more or less???

Silence. When the silence breaks, I want the ensuing cacaphony to last indefinitely. I don’t need for the noise to ever stop anymore. I’ve had more than enough silence for one lifetime already. All I want now is music, song, chatter, crashing, banging, screechinganything but the sound of my own thoughts. I want all auditory sensations to come from the outside. I’ll have plenty of time to sort them out later. But what I want now, or rather, what I need, is to be bombarded. I just can’t stand it when the silence I sit in is fractured, letting some sound seep through, only for it to stop when the fracture is repaired. And I am left broken.

I may have just figured it out??? the exact nature of what’s tortured me all these years, ever since late 1992. I could be wrong, but there is something that’s definite. There may be a bit more to sort out. This case isn’t closed just yet. And even when it is, I won’t be coming out unscathed.

It’s something that I’ve always highly suspected but I didn’t have enough pieces of the puzzle to make out the picture. I’m able to see something now, though. However, I might just be seeing, out of my excitement, patterns that aren’t really there. I probably should see if that’s the case first. Isn’t rationality fun?

See also August 20 and August 21 entries