| December 2007 | ||||||
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
| 1 | ||||||
| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
| 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |
| 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 |
| 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
| 30 | 31 | |||||
As of the time I wrote this, there were no Google results for the phrase "crimeless victimization".
Weird—my poem was quoted at http://members.virtualtourist.com/m/29236/c34/.
..."crimeless victim" returns some results, though...
Isolation is a
Death of sorts
Familiar spirits
Vital spirits
Anabolic
Strangeness
Catabolic
Sometimes beneficial
Usually detrimental
Next time I
Visit Florence
I'll have fun
Paris, too
Everywhere I go
There will be friends
This is my dream
The probablity of fruition: ...?
I don't know the math
My ignorance
My passiveness
My self's periphery
Defeats me
I battle still
Whether I win or lose
Isn't my concern
My concern is comfort
Comfort is my lord
Everyone's lord
I have no comfort
I don't believe
I am free
Free to suffer
So I do
Even if I don't believe in suffering
It makes no difference
It's not my choice
"Choice" is illusive
Conotations enslave us
Confuse us
Define us
Conotations don't exist
We don't exist
Our death is certain
Our birth, a myth
Why do we feel we are insisting that we are?
What is really insisting for us?
What does it want?
Why can't I be left alone?
I don't want to be in this maze
There's no reason for shittiness
There's no reason beyond what's logical
I don't care for physical forces
Why do they care for me?
I hate gravity
I hate electromagnetism
I hate the strong interaction and even the weak one
You guys made me
Will unmake me
In the meantime
I am here
Big whoop
Us bioforms on Earth experience desire
The substrate remains indifferent
The emergent cultures don't care
Some of us are fine feeling what we feel
Some of us are pissed off that we exist
Take my neurons
All of them
Save them
Don't reconstitute me
Make someone else
Someone I could never be
Someone I thought I was
Once or twice
Whether I'm always the same instance in time
Or I actually change
It's these memories I hate
I don't hate myself as a whole
Maybe parts of me
But I don't see these as being me
I shouldn't see anything as "me"
I should leave that to others
But when I do leave it
I can't predict
The conotations
That control them:
I'm a smart, quiet guy
Sometimes loud,
Sometimes dumb
Nevermind me
Who are you?
I know no one
I want to know someone
Everyone eventually
Okay, maybe just a several few
I have a long way to go
Before I die
Before I'm fine again
Before I can paint, play music, sing, meet a new friend, make love, finish writing a book, learn a new language, and visit a new continent
All in the same day
That would be awesome!
I've decided to stop worrying so much about whether I've forgotten some important piece of information that would help me at the time I remember it, if I remember it. I now realize that to truly live in the moment, one has to forget about the past and never mind the future. And it may be that what I say I realized just isn't so but I'm not going to be concerned with that, either. And it's okay if I still go on feeling pangs of regret over one thing or another from time to time, or I fret that I might end up doing the wrong thing or forgetting something important some time in the future. It's okay because I trust that I'll catch myself doing so sooner or later and I will just stop myself from induldging these unpleasant states of mind, and accept the past as unchangeable and the future as an eventual unchageble past as well.
The feeling that we could have done something in the past, or that we have any control over ourselves and the things around us is a curse of sorts. I understand that lots of people are more uncomfortable with the idea that they don't have control or that others may be shirking responsibilility if they felt that they didn't have control. But I think it's possible to accept that we're driven by complex physical interactions, that we're self-perceiving illusions, and that we'll never shake off that illusion, and that we will go on assuming it whether we like it or not. To be conscious of our existence doesn't change that we're being washed away by the tides of space and time like every other collection of matter. Our will is free to tell the universe what we would like to do with ourselves, but the universe is not free to listen to us.
All I'm saying is that from now on, I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the ride. Any appearance of me getting up to do something is all part of the ride. It doesn't change that things will still suck anyway from time to time but that's not for me to worry. That's for a version of me in another point in time. I just need to be concerned with this point.
A possibly important thing that I'll most likely forget in the future is to ask myself at certain times what it is that I may have forgotten that could be useful to remember.
Although, even if I do remember to ask myself that, it doesn't mean I'll remember anything specific to the circumstances I find myself when I ask that question. But it may help.
I wish I could always keep in my mind that it's not enough to learn useful tidbits of wisdom but that I also need to recall them whenever they're relavent in order for them to be of any use to me. I already forgot this wish once before in the past 24 hours!
I think that forgetting these tips, tricks, and life lessons is what dooms me to repetitive folly.
MarXidad.com, ©2008 Mark Cidade
